If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So many bounce houses so little time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
