My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
