Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
