did you get engaged???
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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