Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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