Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
