I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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