If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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