She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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