She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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