Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
