doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
