And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
