Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
