I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
