Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
