yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
