What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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