dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
