I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
