grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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