Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
