I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
