the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
