cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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