One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
