i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
