i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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