Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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