I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
