Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
