Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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