"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
