R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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