I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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