making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
