its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
whose parrot is this?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
