Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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