that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
