to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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