worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
