I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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