I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
