Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
