It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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