Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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