Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
