I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
