I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
