Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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