I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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