My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
